My Dad used to refer to me as an "accident waiting to happen".  Dad always had a way with words.  I'm just still wondering if I've "happened" yet, or if I'm still waiting.  I guess he was on to something though, as most of my career has been quite accidental.  They say that if you fail to plan, then you're planning to fail.  Well what if you just fail to get up in the morning?  That's a win-win in my book.  And I don't even have a book.  But if I did have a book, you can bet that one would be right in there.  I don't know much, but I do know that if I plan to plan then I'll never fail to fail.  And that doesn't sound all that bad to me.

So this is the part where most comedians would go on to list all the nifty places they've performed.  Let's not do that.  I'm not very good with lists.  Besides, my memory has never been any good.  In short, I've performed for 2,500 people at the Cape Cod Melody Tent and I've performed for four toothless drunks in the basement of some God-awful Chinese restaurant that thankfully burned down years ago.  Along the way I've done everything in between.  I've stood on boats, bars, table tops and milk crates.  I've entertained in theatres, lecture halls, ballrooms and at Fortune 500 companies.  I've done high schools, colleges, senior homes and bachelor parties (and even one bachelorette party!).  If there's a microphone, you can bet I've been there.

So now you know me.  What's your story?  Make your presence known and sign my guestbook below.

• • • Carl Doty
    • Scituate, MA
    • Jul 16, 2009 @ 4:16 PM

  • Hey Focker! I was looking for you on FB and found this god forsaken Web site!

    So we've gotta grab a beer one of these days...since we're neighbors now. Hope you're well!

• • • jay s.
    • marlboro
    • Jun 2, 2009 @ 2:55 PM

  • John, I've just finished reading your press clippings. You are referred to as the comedian from: Attleboro, Norwell, Medford and Rhode Island.....You've had more addresses than Whitey Bulger.

• • • Paul & Ellie Ganem
    • Norton, MA
    • Mar 1, 2009 @ 12:25 AM

  • You are a fantastic at your work. We love to hear you and love to support you. You're "the bomb!!!"

• • • mike
    • Tilton NH
    • Feb 5, 2009 @ 9:49 AM

  • Hey John You have to stand on something otherwise no one can see you. The Yard is that just south of the mall? Yes but what about the Rum?

• • • Colleen Sweeney Baker
    • Hudson, NH or Colorado Springs, CO
    • Jan 28, 2009 @ 10:28 AM

  • Hi John, Your web site is great. Haven't gotten to your schedule yet, but I hope I can make it to a show soon. Too busy lookikng at the rest of your site and reading your bio. Hope all is well! Did you ever move? Colleen

• • • Ami
    • Lakeville, MA
    • Oct 30, 2008 @ 1:10 PM

  • I think that two of the four toothless drunks made their way to the Maui last week! you were awesome! But don't quit your day job......we'll miss you! can't wait to see you again!

• • • Jim W
    • Pittsburgh, PA
    • May 15, 2008 @ 11:41 PM

  • Hey, you need to borrow my Aladin video tape to lure women to the OTC while you're at the USOC Intern reunion in October? Still telling the female condom joke? Please hold the mayo.

• • • John Turco
    • Naples Florida
    • May 10, 2008 @ 5:09 AM

  • My name is John Turco but I am not funny.

    John Turco

• • • MySpace Guy
    • 11 Morgan Rd
    • May 8, 2008 @ 12:37 AM

  • You look like a Homo...

• • • Scott
    • Plainville, MA
    • May 2, 2008 @ 5:14 AM

  • Who is gonna be the headliner tomorrow? What's the address of the club?